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There are many conflicting points of view of where the idea of A Solian Guide to the Galaxy originated, some will say that it began around a decade ago when humanity discovered that they were being observed and studied by a group of aliens in the year 2017. Others will say that the idea began in the year 2022 when someone managed to spread a translated version of the aliens' work, titled Solians: A Guide, across the internet for the world to see just how different non-human perspectives could be. Others will say that it's birth was in 2026 when humanity's own spaceships launched from Earth to seek out the origins of the aliens we'd found hidden on our planet while the majority will say that it began in early 2027 when the writers all came together to name it.

Personally, I believe it all started in May 2026 when one R.C. Moore created the document Space: What The Fuck?
 


I - Foreword

Written By: Owen J. Anderson 


 i. creating a guide


 

There are many conflicting points of view of where the idea of A Solian Guide to the Galaxy originated, some will say that it began around a decade ago when humanity discovered that they were being observed and studied by a group of aliens in the year 2017. Others will say that the idea began in the year 2022 when someone managed to spread a translated version of the aliens' work, titled Solians: A Guide, across the internet for the world to see just how different non-human perspectives could be. Others will say that it's birth was in 2026 when humanity's own spaceships launched from Earth to seek out the origins of the aliens we'd found hidden on our planet while the majority will say that it began in early 2027 when the writers all came together to name it.

Personally, I believe it all started in May 2026 when one R.C. Moore created the document Space: What The Fuck?

This aforementioned document was started the week in which Bravo encountered it's first extraterrestrial in it's natural habitat, I won't speak of this encounter as I fear it might take away from the experience of reading Moore's account for yourselves but, well, Moore did name that first entry such for a reason.

Now, at first, there wasn't even going to be a guide let alone an official one to be published and distributed, in fact, Moore had this to say when asked about what they'd thought of the guide being published:

 

 

[loud, barking laughter] Did I ever think that our so called guide would be published? Fuck no.

When I wrote that doc in '26, I wasn't thinking things like "this is something that the people who follow after us will find useful", "it'd be smart to write this all down", "maybe I can make some money off of this in the future" or even "I want to help my family back on Earth experience the things I see in space". No, I was thinking- no, regretting fervently the fact that I didn't have the foresight to pack alcohol so I could get shitfaced as soon as I was off duty and that I had nothing to trade for a bottle from the ones who did posses that foresight.

So I decided that, with that option gone, I might as well write about that whole experience.

It was something to blow off steam, see? Not some great idea, some kind of- of...epiphany for something that might come in handy in the future. No one was ever supposed to know about it, it was just me blowing off steam and dicking around in my free time.

Fuckin' Ace though, that nosey sonofabitch found my doc and decided to read it out to everyone in the rec at the time. It got its share of laughs but there were some who took to the idea and ran with it, next thing I know there's people I was only vaguely acquainted with and others I'd never even heard of before showing up at my door saying they have their own additions to add to my 'guide'.  Of course I dragged those fuckers to help me organize it into something actually understandable, no way was I going to let them just come and shove their writings off on me with the expectation that I was going to organize the damn things into an actual guidebook.

So you see, I never expected to be part of a published work let alone one I started.

 

There you have it, the most famous book of the decade- possibly the centaury- began because one person didn't have the booze to get shitfaced.

 


 ii. what the fuck is space even


 

Earlier I stated that I wasn't going to spoil the following chapters by speaking of Space: What The Fuck? in detail but, while I stand by that statement, I will be speaking of the origin of the guide in more then a passing mention.

First, I will say that the authors of this book have decided collectively to pay homage to our originating piece of literature with a simply notation for each chapter that was part of the document- as the organization of the guide wouldn't allow for the document to stay in one piece as a single, or even a series of sequential, chapter. At this time I would like to point your attention to the very beginning of this chapter where the title is placed; notice how, immediately beneath it, there is a 'Written By:' followed by a name? That is something added to each chapter to help the reader identify which author wrote what parts of the book, the notation that I mentioned previously will be following the name and in brackets showing thus: [S:WTF] to note that it is part of the original work. 

Secondly, I wish to disabuse the readers of any notion that Space: What The Fuck? is written in any kind of formal structure or language. In fact, this is true for the entire book; there may be chapters which seems to have the formal writing style as found in academic papers but that is merely due to the writer's personal preference rather then because this book was intended for academic perusal. Perhaps, it may become something that academics back on Earth might want to study and critique due to it being the only of it's kind, but everything was written for the everyday person: remember that the root of this was an informal need for people to write of the things they experienced.

Finally, I find the need to state, nay, warn that our origin document is written in a rather unorthodox styling and that those who contributed took this as a sign that they need not follow any standard rules of writing.

 


 iii. classifications


 

Now, with those two bits out of the way we can move on to more informative bits that will help the reader comprehend what they are reading such as: classifications.

One might say that the guide's first great hurdle as an actual book is getting everyone to agree upon universal classifications for the things we encountered and wrote of, this would be the absolute truth- I cannot tell you how many arguments, passive-aggressive acts, days of cold shoulders and straight out screaming matches went into deciding what and how we classified the things in this book. Lucky for you, you need not know any more then what I've mentioned of that horrid time and simply enjoy the benefits that ease your reading.

 

Vegetation

(E)dible | (I)nedible*

Mundane: harmless and stationary

Toxic: either by ingestion, inhalation or touch

Animate: capable of independent movement

Carnivorous: consumes other life forms

* Please note that edible and inedible is in terms of human consumption,
and that each specimen is individually classed as one or the other.

Being*

Humanoid: basic body structure is human-like

Bestial: has animalistic characteristics

Mythical: has similarities to mythical/fictional creatures/beings of human culture

Strange: derived from the phrase 'stranger then fiction', has no real frame of reference

 

Natural: has natural, inborn abilities such as a being with wings whom can fly

Supernatural: has extra, supernatural abilities like pyrokinesis

 

Preceding: civilization that is less advanced then the general, modern human civilization

Modern: civilization that is equal to the general, modern human civilization

Advanced: civilization that is more advanced then the general, modern human civilization

* Please note that Beings have multiple classifications,
and that each species will note each one that applies to it.

Creature*

(E)dible | (I)nedible**

Land: either entirely land-bound or spends the majority of it's time land-bound

Sky: either entirely sky-bound or spends the majority of it's time sky-bound

Sea: either entirely water-bound or spends the majority of it's time water-bound

Other: either spends it's entire or the majority of it's time in areas that don't fall into the previous categories

 

Two: is bipedal

Four: is quadrupedal

More: has more then four legs

Extra: has other predominant limbs such as wings

 

Carnivore: almost entirely eats meat

Herbivore: almost entirely eats plants

Omnivore: eats both meat and plants

Other: neither eats meats or plants and is sustained by other means

 

Mundane: a normal animal with nothing 'extra'

Ability: has natural, inborn abilities such as venom

Magic: has abilities that aren't explainable and thus deemed 'magic' such as fire-breathing

* Please note that Creatures have multiple classifications,
and that each species will note each one that applies to it.

** Please note that edible and inedible is in terms of human consumption,
and that each specimen is individually classed as one or the other.

 

There are, of course, more ways for us to break and divide each of these categories into even more subcategories but these are the ones that we have all managed to agree on. By the time this was decided, no one was really interested in another round of arguments to add more divisions and thus this is the entirety of classifications - universally- used in the guide. I say universally because, of course, writers have decided to use their own classes in addition to the guide's but that is a relatively small number and so won't be touched on in the Foreword.

There is more I could speak about, such as the planets and systems we've come across or about the people whom all contributed to the guide, but I'm afraid I have reached the end of my allotted pages and so I must end the Foreword with this:

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena.

 

 

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